My Father Walked Away From Land to Protect His Peace

Late last year, we started travelling back and forth to Bukidnon because of a piece of land under my late father's name.

I thought we were simply going there to sort out some property matters.

Instead, I started learning bits and pieces about my father's side of the family that I had never really known.

And considering how much I love real estate - particularly land - some of what I learned was quite ironic. 😂

I Grew Up Thinking My Father Had Very Little Property

My father raised us away from his side of the family.

Growing up, the only property we really knew under his name was our ancestral home, the house where we grew up.

He also made something very clear to us while we were growing up: Study hard. Don't expect an inheritance.

He used to tell us that he and my mom deliberately chose not to focus on accumulating properties for their children. His reason was simple.

Land and inheritance could tear families apart.

As a child, I didn't think much about it.

No inheritance? Okay. Better study then. 😂

It was only decades later that I started understanding where those words may have come from.

Then I Started Hearing About the Land

During one of our trips to Bukidnon, I met one of my paternal first cousins for the first time. He's already in his early 70s.

Yes, I met my first cousin for the first time when he was already a senior citizen. That probably tells you how disconnected we had been from my father's side of the family.

Through him, I learned that one of my father's siblings apparently once owned around 200 hectares of land, although according to my cousin, the landholding today is closer to 100 hectares.

Then we met a tenant who had known another uncle's family for many years. He mentioned that my uncle had owned around 80 hectares.

These aren't figures I've personally verified through land records. There are things I learned through conversations with people who knew the family and the area.

Still, when I heard the numbers, my reaction was basically:

Hectares?! 😂

Meanwhile, I'm over here feeling very accomplished whenever I manage to acquire 150 square metres.

And I am happy about my 150 sqm. I worked for it. I paid for it. It's mine.

But suddenly hearing people casually talk about 80 and 200 hectares certainly put my little property wins into perspective. 😂

Then I Started Understanding My Father’s Story

From what I've learned, there had been conflict within the family involving inherited lands.

I was told that my father wasn't given a share because he was the only sibling who had finished a university degree.

Perhaps his education was considered his share. I don't know the complete story.

My father is no longer here to tell me his side, and many of the details belong to a generation that is slowly disappearing.

But knowing what I know now, I think at some point my father simply decided: This isn't worth fighting over.

And he walked away.

He moved away from his family, built his life somewhere else, and raised us far from our paternal relatives.

For almost two decades, there was very little contact. His siblings apparently reached a point where they thought he had already died.

This was a very different time. There was no Facebook or Messenger. No mobile phone sitting in everyone's pocket.

Communication meant postal mail and telegrams.

If someone moved away and stopped communicating, they could genuinely disappear from your life.

Eventually, my father came back. But he never raised us carrying that old family fight.

I Think He Was Protecting His Peace

The more I've learned about the paternal family history, the more I think my father wasn't walking away because the land had no value.

Clearly, it did.

I think he simply decided that his peace was worth more than continuing the fight.

He built his life elsewhere. He raised his children. He made sure we studied.

And instead of teaching us to wait for land that might someday become ours, he repeatedly told us not to expect an inheritance.

At the time, I thought that was simply his philosophy about money and property.

Now I think there was probably a story behind it.

Then, Years After He Died, We Found His Land

Years after my father passed away, we discovered that he actually had land under his name in Bukidnon.

More than six hectares.

That discovery eventually led to those trips late last year.

But while checking records with one of the government offices, I learned something else.

There appeared to have been another three or four titles previously under my father's name that were later cancelled and transferred to my aunt, the wife of his eldest sibling.

That definitely caught my attention.

Especially because I love land. 😂

So I consulted a lawyer.

The lawyer explained that, as my father's compulsory heirs, there could be a legal basis for us to question what happened to those properties and potentially try to recover them.

I even remember the lawyer mentioning the proper legal term for the case. Naturally, I forgot it. 😂

But I remembered the important part: We had the option to fight.

My Sister Said No

My younger sister didn't want to pursue it. She didn't want trouble.

More importantly, she didn't want us reopening old family wounds that started long before we were involved.

There was another complication.

Our elderly mom may have known more about what happened. She may even have had conversations or agreements with my aunt years ago. We simply don't know.

And because Mom now has dementia, we can't rely on her to reconstruct events from decades ago.

There are parts of this story we may never know. So despite my curiosity about those titles, I listened to my sister.

We let it go. No case. No attempt to reclaim the old properties.

We would deal with the land we could clearly establish under my father's name and leave the rest alone.

Funny How History Repeats Itself

There's something slightly ironic about all of this.

Decades ago, my father apparently had the opportunity to fight over family land. Instead, he walked away.

Years after his death, his daughters discovered there might still be land worth fighting for.

And we also chose not to fight. Maybe for slightly different reasons.

But the result was the same. Leave it.

And perhaps that's why I understand my father's decision a little better now.

Meanwhile, His Daughter Loves Buying Land 😂

This is the part that makes me smile.

My father spent years warning us about the trouble land could bring. And somehow, one of his daughters grew up loving real estate.

I'm happy acquiring 150 sqm. I'm interested in foreclosed properties. I still dream about owning a farm someday.

Apparently, his warning didn't stop me from becoming a land person. 😂

But maybe there's an important difference.

I'm not waiting for someone else's land. I'm trying to build my own.

That's probably why my 150 sqm means something to me even when I hear stories about relatives owning dozens - or even hundreds - of hectares.

Their hectares belong to their story.

My 150 square metres belongs to mine.

I worked for it. I paid for it.

And I can celebrate it without comparing it with what anyone else inherited or owned.

Almost Three Decades Later, I Finally Understand

My father used to tell us: Land can tear families apart.

For years, I thought it was simply one of those things parents repeatedly tell their children.

Almost three decades later, I learned that he may not have been warning us about something that could happen.

He may have been talking about something he had already lived through.

And perhaps that's why he chose a very different inheritance for us.

Education.

The expectation that we would work.

And no expectation that somebody else's property would eventually become ours.

I still love land. I will probably continue celebrating every little piece I'm able to acquire with my own money. 😂

But my father's old family fight doesn't have to become mine.

I think he protected his peace by walking away.

And years later, when we were given an opportunity to reopen that fight, we decided to protect ours too.